A Loving Journey
:: It Is Not Your Fault ::
This page is dedicated to providing you with information about how this condition is not your fault.
When our children suffer or pass away we have a tendency to blame ourselves.
After talking with multiple doctors and doing abundant amounts of online research I have sincerely found that it is not your fault.
Bladder Outlet Obstruction Information
The important thing to remember is that we did not intend for our babies to pass away. Most of us couldn't have even thought of the possibility. Bladder Outlet Obstruction is a congenital condition. It is not caused by any of our actions or inactions during our pregnancy. There is no use blaming yourself. You could not have known this was going to happen. You could not have prevented this from happening. And in many cases you could not have done anything to treat the condition. There is no medical information yet as to why this condition forms in utero. It is likely just a chance occurrence. We could have never known. Most families will only experience this condition once and never see it again. This speaks to the fact that this really is a fluke occurrence. In some rare cases this condition may be a result of a genetic or chromosomal condition. When this is the case it is still useless to blame oneself. The majority of families do not receive genetic testing before getting pregnant. In fact most of us don't even know this is an option. Even for those who have known of such a condition, or similar condition, to be present in their families the condition occurs so rarely that one could never expect it to happen to them. Even the most cautious of parents could not have prevented this condition from occurring in their children. For most of us there will always be "what ifs". For us the question is "what if we got an ultrasound sooner, would we have been able to treat our son?" but the answer is usually clear. Our son had the condition from the outset of development which is the worst case scenario, his condition was labeled on the severe side of the spectrum, his lungs never had the possibility of developing normally, even if we could have caught it sooner it is unlikely any intervention would have helped him because of these difficulties. We truly did our best. The what if's are tricks your mind plays on you. This is very much a condition where there is no fault to be placed. You cannot blame yourself because it really is not your fault. We all wanted healthy babies. We made the best decisions we could given our circumstances. We gave them love even when we found out they were not healthy. We did everything we could by the way of loving them and hoping for a miracle. We are mothers and we wanted the best for our children. It is not your fault! So leave the "what if's" and the "we should haves/we shouldn't haves" at the door. Do not let them in. Surround them with the love you have for your child and they will easily disintegrate because there is nothing substantial behind them.
Quotes
~ Just in case you don't believe me I wanted to include some quotes from medical professionals that discuss the cause of this condition. You will find that this conditions is most commonly a chance occurrence. Even rarely when it is not a chance occurrence it is associated with chromosomal abnormalities that we could not have known about. ~
"In most cases, bladder-outlet obstruction due to posterior urethral valves is a sporadic event. In rare cases, it is associated with a chromosomal abnormality"
"LUTOs are typically isolated developmental anomalies. In some cases, however, they can be part of a chromosomal or genetic condition, such as Down syndrome or megacystic-microcolon syndrome"
"Most cases of bladder outlet obstruction related to posterior urethral valves occur as a random (sporadic) event, without a significant risk of recurrence. (other cases are chromosomal abnormality)"
"While this abnormality usually occurs by chance, some cases have been seen in twins and siblings, suggesting it may have a genetic component"
"(caused by) A defect in fetal development, not known to be hereditary"